Thinking too much (again).

“Albert Pritchard Root Asleep by the Flag”, Marcus Aurelius Root via Tuesday Johnson

 Getting a little personal here...

The last couple month has been pretty interesting, I got into a gallery show, a art fair, started working on a book and got commissioned to do some custom portraits. This is all good and wonderful but truthfully it is not enough.

I'm not in dire straits or anything, my husband is having a pretty good year with his sign shop but I hate not being able to support myself yet. I'm not sure what to do.

The big deal is that we have to move. And San Francisco is so expensive. (It scares me how expensive it is, I mean $2000 for a studio?) I have panic attacks. None of this is our fault. Our landlord is retiring and selling our place. Sometimes I think just should get a stupid 9 to 5 job and then I remember that it is just not so easy these days.

Then it gets me to wonder how do successful illustrators do it? How does one do the freelance thing and make a living? How do you make this thing work?

There has to be a way! Really...Christmas shopping should not cause so much worry. Anyone else in the same boat? Are you ever wanting to say "fuck it" to your dreams because they lack security?

These last few days have been filled with so much worry and sadness with the shooting in Connecticut and overall craziness of the world right now. I'm just hoping people don't go even crazier on Dec 21st. (I know its all stupid and the world is not going to end but damnit I will be happy when it is Saturday comes.)

I guess like a lot of you I'm just tired and feel heavy. I know it will go away and my life will feel normal again. But do you think in these dark times the questions that arise need to be examined? How does one achieve their dreams?

What will I do next year to change things? Expect more, do more, be more. What will you do?