Debra Styer Illustration

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On being quiet...and numb.

Debra Styer, The Remembrance, 2021

I used to keep a journal pretty regularly and it would really help me organize my thoughts but in the last couple years, like so many, I stopped writing. It is really hard for me to focus, there is just so much going on. Just today on my walk to the grocery store, two protests that passed me. One was about Palestinian journalists who was killed in Israel and the second one was about people protesting the possible (and insane) overturning of abortion rights in the US.

And of course one must not forget the ongoing world pandemic and the war in Ukraine. There is also the helpless I feel that my dad is really sick and I live 3000 miles away and can do nothing. And to top it all off, as I turn on the TV, another mass shooting. It’s all too much.

Time seems to fly these days and I forget to even speak about what I am working on these days. I just finished a gallery show in April (I had one last October) and continue to take illustration classes, and work at our sign shop, but I’m also angry at myself for not being able to accomplish more with my career. the guilt also fuels the numbness.

I think I keep busy to keep myself numb.

The numbness has to stop, I need to wake up and do something.

But what, as an illustrator/artist, what does one do? What does one do when you are afraid of making a statement or afraid of being cheesy or insincere? How do you get over this this fear?

How do you stop the numbness and go forward?

Asking for a friend.